Three Weeks
by mego94
Summary: After three weeks of being apart, Spencer and Toby are finally reunited. Toby's convinced that their hell is over- A's been caught, and they can resume their normal lives. But what if he's wrong? Can their lives ever really be normal again?
1. Chapter 1

_Three weeks._

She thinks they've been gone for three weeks. 21 days exactly. Or so she thinks. She's lost all track of time, her mind warped from partaking in Charles' mind games.

She's delirious. She hasn't slept in days. She hears the loud ring of the buzzer every time her eyes flutter shut. Even while she lies wide awake, paralyzed with fear, she can hear it. The alarm that rings signaling her to return to her room, the shrill sound that causes her head to throb, and her heart to race. She'd made the mistake of not making it back on time once, and she'll never be able to forget the consequence.

 _She starts to stir awake. She has no idea she's been out, but she doesn't care. She'd finally been able to sleep. She forces her heavy eyelids open, trying to adjust to the dim lighting of the room. She can see a few dark spots across the room from her, but she can't make them out. Sitting up in her place, she examines the room, and follows the trail of spots until they land at her feet. She strains her eyes and feels her mouth drop open._

 _It's blood._

 _She starts to back away, as if she could somehow escape it._

 _But she can't._

 _Spencer feels her back press up against the cool wall of her room, and notices the blood trail up her leg. She follows it until she looks down at her trembling hands. She doesn't know how she hadn't realized it before, and her heart begins to race. Whose blood was it? A's? Her_ own? _The uncertainty made her stomach roll. Had she done it while she was out? Was she drugged?_

 _She shoots up in her spot, looking down at herself. She notices the blood that stains her shirt. Her pants. She wipes her hand across her face and notices the red smudge that stains the back of it. Her breathing becomes rapid. Shallow. What the_ hell _had Charles make her do?_

" _Who do you love more?"_

 _She hears the question repeated over and over in her head, vaguely remembering it. Had she dreamt it? She tries to put a meaning to it, when she feels her stomach roll._

Toby.

" _What did I do?" she asks, not even able to recognize her soft, fragile voice._

 _Panic washes over her as she tries to process what's happened. She steps closer to the camera, as if trying to see who's watching on the other side._

 _Her face contorts with pain. Her eyes sting, as if she's crying, but no tears escape. She doesn't have any left. "What did you make me do?!" She screams, so loud she wonders if her friends are able to hear her._

 _She has no idea how she'll cope if it's true. She'd gotten Toby involved in this mess. If it wasn't for her, he would've never joined the A team to protect her. He would've never joined Rosewood's finest in hopes of finding the person who's been torturing her for the past two years. He wouldn't be dead if it wasn't for her._

No.

" _He's not dead. It can't be him," she whispers, trying to reassure herself. It couldn't have been. It must be another mind game. Surely she'd remember if she_ had _actually killed someone. But then again, she doesn't remember much. She's convinced. "It's him."_

She figures it's been a week. A week since she'd woken up in a pool of blood. A pool of blood that very well could've belonged to her boyfriend. But it feels like an eternity has passed. She doesn't even want to think about it. All she can think about is being reunited with her friends. They haven't seen each other at all. She starts to wonder if they're even still there. If they're alive or worse, _dead._

She doesn't want to think about that. She _can't_ think about that. She's already lost so much, she can't lose them too. So she lays awake in her bed, her bloodshot eyes pried open. She can't fall asleep again, she won't allow it. She doesn't want to leave again. She hasn't even tried to see if her door is unlocked, but she won't. She can't risk the consequences. Not again.

She clings at her sweater- an argyle cardigan- that seemed to have appeared in her closet. Maybe Charles thinks she deserves a little slack for everything he's put her through. After all, it is a bit different than the tattered tank she's used to wearing. More comfortable. More familiar.

Tears start to form in her eyes as she recounts what she's been through, from what little she remembers. She feels so alone. Unbearably so. She wants Toby, she _needs_ him, but she knows she'll never see him again. It's all her fault.

"Toby," Spencer whispers, her voice broken. She curls up in her bed, clinging to a nearby pillow. It helps a little, but the pain is still unbearable. The guilt. The uncertainty. She can't wait until they escape. _If_ they escape.

Suddenly, she hears a small _click_ come from her door. It startles her, making her heartbeat quicken. She doesn't hear another sound, and decides to cross the room to check it out. Reaching out a hand, she shakily grips the knob and, taking a deep breath, realizes it's unlocked.

 _Finally._

She opens it, albeit hesitantly, and slowly enters the hallway. She sees the other doors open as well, and feels relief course through her. Her friends are alive. They're okay. Well, they appear to be.

They can barely look each other in the eye as they recount their own personal hell. It takes Spencer a moment to recognize them, notably Aria, whose long locks have been chopped, and streaked with red. Something Spencer hasn't seen since their freshman year of high school.

"Is everyone okay?"

She doesn't know who asks this. For all she knows, it could've been her. She's too stunned to process any of what's going on. Surely Charles wouldn't let them out this easily?

They have a few moments to reunite before the alarm sounds yet again. The liars are quick to cover their ears, and Spencer tosses her friends a worried look. This time though, she feels something she hasn't felt since they'd arrived. _Determination._ In this instant, she is more determined than ever to escape the hell hole of a dollhouse that Charles has created for them. More determined to reunite with her family- to formally reunite with her friends.

"Let's go," she finally says, and begins to lead her friends down the hall.

"Spence, what are you doing?" Hanna asks, her ears still covered. The alarm continues to blare, seemingly amplified by the concrete walls. Spencer can barely hear her, but she continues on anyway, desperately searching for a way out.

"Prepare for Ali's arrival."

This causes the girls to come to a stop, and Spencer feels her face contort with worry.

"What do we do?" this time, it was Aria who speaks up.

Spencer feels conflicted. She wants so much to escape, but upon remembering what happened the last time she'd disobeyed Charles' orders, she decides to wait, and follow the instructions.

"Let's go."

"Wait, are you serious?"

Hanna.

"What _else_ are we supposed to do?"

" _Leave_?"

"Yeah? How do you suppose we do that?"

Hanna feels her gaze fall to the ground. "I don't know," she mumbles.

"Look, I want to escape just as much as you do. Believe me, we all do. But we all know what happens when we don't abide by Charles' 'rules.' I don't know about you, but I sure as hell can't go through that again. So I'm going."

"Please follow the lighted pathway. Prepare for Ali's arrival."

Spencer, still frozen, decides to push on, feeling exhausted with each step she takes. When they finally arrive in the room, they're met with an assortment of boxes. They seem to be filled with all of Alison's belongings. As she looks around the room, she finds that it's, no surprise, decorated like Ali's, yet it still seems different. It causes her to shudder, having only seen the inside of her room. Had all the rooms been replicas?

"What's this?" Emily asks, beginning to rifle through a box.

"It looks like it all belongs to Alison," Aria answers.

Spencer finds a photo album, and begins to flip through the first few pages. She recognizes two of the children almost instantly- Jason and Alison. But she sees a third person she's never seen before.

"Guys?"

The three girls turn to look at their friend, noticing the album in her hands. They begin to examine the picture, and find themselves just as confused as she is.

"Who is that?"

"I- I don't know. A cousin maybe?" Emily answers. It doesn't occur to her that he could be a DiLaurentis.

Spencer notices a small movement occur across the room, and looks up to see a film playing in front of them. "Or a…brother?"

"Give your sister a kiss." Jessica DiLaurentis's voice can be heard on the screen.

"Charles," she breathed. "He's a DiLaurentis. He's Ali's brother."

The girls are silent, ruminating in their thoughts, until they are startled by Spencer's sudden movement. She notices the camera in the corner of the room and, walking up to it, holds up a photo she had removed from the album.

"I know who you are."

Of course, there was no response. But she could swear that she saw the lens focus in a bit.

"Game over, Charles."

And with that she pulls out a lighter that she had found, lighting the picture on fire. She stares intently into the camera, as if watching him watch the photo burn.

She proceeds to light other objects in the room on fire. Dolls, more photos, a crib. Soon enough, the entire room is engulfed in flames, and they flee. The alarm begins to blare, causing the girls to jump. Spencer figured it would happen, but she didn't care. She can't go back to her room, not after the stunt she's just pulled.

"Please proceed to your rooms," the automated voice sounds. But Spencer isn't having it.

"No!"

Her friends are worried, but still follow close behind. Although they're terrified, they trust her. They trust she knows what she's doing, somehow, and that she'll lead them out. She's their only hope.

They run towards what Spencer believes is an exit, before hearing a familiar voice screaming from a distance.

"Help!"

She runs in the direction of the voice before stopping in front of a large well. Looking down, she can see the source of the screams.

Mona.

"Spencer, get me out!"

"Just…hang on," she answered. "I think I know a way out."

"No, you have to get me out of here, now. Please!"

She gives her an apologetic look before taking off in the same direction she had been headed before. She thinks she can see it- a flood of light. It appears to be blue. Red? Are they police lights?"

They burst through the door and stumble out, overwhelmed with joy at having escaped. Right away, police officers rush to the girls' side and a series of questions follow. They all seem pretty obvious to Spencer, but she knows they're just trying to do their job.

 _No, I'm not okay. No, I am not physically hurt. No, I don't know where we are._

She mentally answers the questions in her head, but does her best to comply with the officers.

An officer, who entered the dollhouse moments after the girls had escaped, appeared again a few minutes later with a filthy, disheveled Mona by his side. Spencer immediately ran up to her, wrapping her weak arms around her in a best effort to comfort her. The two had never been particularly close, and had their reasons to dislike each other in the past, but in this moment, they couldn't be more glad to see each other.

"Spencer?"

The girl's head jerks in the direction of the voice. She knows that voice. She'd recognize it anywhere. But it couldn't be. She'd killed him. He's dead.

This time the voice calls out a little louder, causing her to focus on the figure approaching her. "Spencer!"

It's him; he's alive. She hadn't killed him. It was another one of Charles' games.

"Toby?" she cries, dropping her arms to her side. When she realizes that, yes, it's him, she takes off in a sprint to close the distance between them. They run at each other and nearly collide when they meet.

"Spencer," he sighs, holding on tight. "I found you."

She feels tears welling up in her eyes, and soon she's sobbing. She can't believe they escaped. She can't believe they found them. More importantly, she can't believe that Toby's alive.

"You're here," she cries, clinging to him.

"I'm here, babe," he assures her, not understanding the meaning behind her words.

They share an urgent kiss, and they feel whole once again. Nothing will be able to repair the damage the two suffered, but while they're in each other's arms, it seems bearable. It's almost easy to forget the circumstances of their reunion, as they're too distracted by each other's presence.

All too soon, Toby pulls away from his girlfriend and wipes the tears from her face. "It's okay, Spence. We got him."

"What?" she croaks.

"It's Andrew, babe. They got him."

"What?" she asks again, this time louder. "No, Toby-"

"Don't worry, you're safe now. He can't hurt you anymore."

 _Except he can_ , she thinks. _Because Andrew isn't A._

She can't utter the words- she can't tell him that he's wrong. She's too overwhelmed to say another word. She hopes that, even though she knows otherwise, he's right. Because if he's not, it's not "game over." The game's just begun.


	2. Chapter 2

"Spence?" 

She hears the voice calling out to her, but she doesn't reply; she can't. She can't find her voice. It's been four days since she came home from the hospital, and she hasn't slept a wink. She's so exhausted, yet wide awake at the same time. She can't stand to close her eyes, for fear she wakes up back in the dollhouse. Even with police protection, her parents watching her every move, and Toby being with her every day, she's terrified. Nothing anyone can say or do will be able to alleviate her from the anxiety, the panic, that she feels.

"Spencer?" 

The voice is louder this time, more urgent. She hears the worry behind it, and it pains her that she can't reply, so she nods. Hopefully it'll be enough of an acknowledgement to appease the voice.

He places a loose strand of hair behind her ear, causing her to jump, and he feels guilty. He hates that he can't do anything to help. She assures him that his presence is enough, but he isn't so sure anymore. She still seems so fragile, so skittish.

"Hey, it's okay," he whispers, "it's just me, babe. I'm here."

"Toby," she croaks, and he sighs with relief. It's the most she's said all day.

"He can't hurt you anymore, you're safe."

 _Except I'm not,_ she thinks, but instead she just nods. She doesn't have the energy to get into with him, nor does she want him to worry about having to track down yet another person, all to protect her. She's beyond tired of being the damsel in distress. And ever since Toby's joined the police force, that's exactly how she feels.

"I love you," she whispers, and presses herself against him. It startles him at first, but he quickly wraps his arms around her, trying to protect her. Even though he's convinced that A is locked up, he can't risk her being taken away from him. He doesn't know how he could bear it again.

He runs his hands through her hair, causing her to wince as he pulls through the thick tangles.

"Sorry," he mumbles, before planting a kiss on top of her head.

She hasn't showered since the day she came home, and even then it was a struggle. Her only determination was to scrub every remnant of the dollhouse off of her skin. She thought that if she scrubbed hard enough, it would rid her of the pain and anger she feels.

But it doesn't.

"You need to try to sleep, Spence," he tells her, but he knows it's no use. She won't be able to, he knows this. She knows this. She wonders why he even bothers to say it at this point. But she knows he's just worried about her. _She's_ worried about her.

She lets out a terse laugh. "Right." 

"Just try, please? I'll be here the whole time. I promise," he tells her, but she still shakes her head.

"I haven't been able to sleep since I was in the hospital, and only then because I was medicated."

He's hesitant, knowing her past problems with addiction, but he asks anyway. "Where's your prescription?"

He notices a bitter look cross over her face, and wonders if it's meant for him. Before he can ask, she speaks up, and her voice drips with frustration.

"I didn't bring it home."

"Why not?" 

"My mom didn't think it was a good idea for me to be prescribed such a strong medication, so she asked them to discontinue it."

He feels angry at first. How could Veronica do that? Does she not see how sleep-deprived her daughter is? How anxious she is? At the same time though, he can also understand. But he doesn't say anything for fear of upsetting her even more.

"Is there anything else you think might help?"

She nods. "You."

He feels guilt wash over him. He knows he won't be able to keep up the routine- staying at her house every night. He fears the first night she'll be alone. They both know it'll happen sooner or later, but they don't want to think about it. The very idea of not having him next to her is enough to bring Spencer to tears, but she fights them off. She doesn't want him to worry any more than he already does.

He squeezes her even tighter. "I'm right here. I won't let anything happen to you."

She's doubtful at first, but soon exhaustion takes over, crowding out any apprehension she might have. She focuses her attention on his soft, even breathing, allowing for hers to fall into synch. She feels it slow, and for the first time since discontinuing her medication, she feels relaxed. Almost. She allows her eyes to shut and before either of them know it, she's asleep. It's a relief to Toby, to see Spencer appear so relaxed, so calm, given what she's been through. He allows her to sleep, watching over her the entire time. Toby's afraid to close his own eyes- he's afraid that if he does, she'll disappear. He still can't believe she escaped. It still doesn't feel real- it feels like a dream, and when he wakes up, he'll realize it's a nightmare.

Hours pass as he holds his girlfriend close, watching over her. He jumps when she starts to twitch in her sleep, not knowing if it's a nightmare or a product of deep sleep. He hopes it's the latter; he wants her at peace.

Not soon after, the twitching becomes more frequent- more forceful. He can tell she's upset, but he doesn't want to wake her. He's too afraid to.

~ **Three Weeks** ~

 _"Who deserves water today?"_

 _Spencer finds herself in an all-too-familiar situation. She's hunched over a cool, metal table, three switches placed in front of her. A picture of each of her friends is glued to each one, designating them a switch. She has five seconds. Five seconds to decide, in A's mind, who she loves more. It's up to her to decide who will receive water that day, and who will remain dehydrated._

 _The ticking grows louder and louder, signaling that her time is almost up. She can't decide. How can she decide?_

 _"No, no," she whispers, still unable to choose. She hears the last of the ticks and before realizing that her time's up, she flips a switch. Emily. Emily will get water._

 _But she doesn't hear the normal chime that accompanies the flip of the switch. Instead, she hears a buzzer. Her time had run out._

 _"No," she mutters, unable to find her voice. "No!"_

 _She knows what it means. She won't receive food. Or water. She looks down at the shackles that hold her wrists, which are bolted to the table. She's never paid much attention to them, not seeing their purpose for something more than an annoyance. But as she allows her eyes to follow the tangled mess of cords, she realizes what's about to happen._

 _"Shit," She begins to panic. She wriggles about, trying to free her hands, but she can't. There's no use. Yet she continues to scream._

 _"Please don't! I'm sorry!"_

 _She hears the familiar automated voice fill the room, counting down._

 _Three._

 _She can't move; can't escape._

 _Two._

 _Her heart races; She can't breathe. It hurts too much. But it's nothing compared to what's coming._

 _One._

 _"PLEASE!"_

 _Her voice shoots up an octave, straining her already sore throat. It scares her- she doesn't even recognize her own voice._ _  
_

Before the shock can be administered, she jolts awake. She's still panting- her chest still throbbing. Tears stream down her face, and she looks down at her wrists. She feels something grasping them, and it sends her into overdrive.

She's alone. She's back in the dollhouse. And she's about to be shocked.

"No, don't, please!"

She feels the grip tighten, and she tries to escape. But she can't. The grip keeps getting tighter.

"I'm sorry! I tried- I did!"

She feels the strong force engulf her, causing her to scream.

It's Charles.

"Let me go!" 

"Spencer!" 

"Please, please don't," she pleads. It's all real to her. She doesn't realize where she is, who she's with, or what's going on. She's convinced that it's real.

"Spence, listen to me."

She doesn't recognize the voice and tries to push herself away. But she can't.

"Babe, look at me. You're okay."

Her breathing starts to even out as she pays attention to the voice, but not enough.

Toby's heart breaks as he hears her screams. He doesn't know what to do to help, except wait for her to snap out of it on her own.

It takes several minutes for her to calm down, and when she does, she focuses in on Toby. She recognizes his face and, eventually, his voice. She's okay, she's not in danger.

"Spencer?" He asks, not sure what to expect.

And then she bursts into tears. He doesn't know what to do at first, and it scares him. It probably doesn't help that she's barely slept, but she can't. For this very reason.

"I didn't mean to," she cries, still horrified.

"I know you didn't, it's okay," he soothes. He's afraid to ask, he doesn't know if he's ready to learn what happened in the dollhouse. And he doesn't want to force her to talk about it if she's not ready. He doesn't know if she'll ever be ready.

"I tried, I really did."

"I know, babe. It's okay. You're okay."

After a few more minutes, she's finally calm and finds herself back in Toby's arms. It's the only place she feels even remotely safe.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, her voice hoarse.

"For what?"

"What you just saw."

He sighs. "You don't need to be. It's all part of the process."

"Process?"

"Recovery."

"It's not a drug." Spencer was annoyed. How could he compare the two?

"You know what I mean," he sighs, rubbing a hand up and down her back.

Silence is cast over the room as they both try to process what's happened. For Toby, it's coming to grips with the realization that his girlfriend will never be the same. He replays the scene over and over, unable to think of anything else, and his heart sinks further each time he hears her screams.

"It was so awful," Spencer spoke up, breaking the silence.

He doesn't know what to say. Does he pry? Get her talk about it, help her move on? Or will it cause her to relive it, only to send her into yet another panic attack? So instead, he remains quiet.

"Did A ever hurt you while I was down there?" Her voice breaks, unable to imagine the torture A could put him through. She doesn't want to.

"No," he answers, and he can feel her body sag with relief

"Did they threaten to?"

Spencer doesn't know what to say. She's afraid to tell him about the  
Blood, about the mind games. She doesn't want to worry him anymore. What's more, she doesn't want him to think she's crazy.

"Not explicitly."

"But it was implied?"  
Now he's worried.

"No. I- I can't even begin to explain it."

He's silent for a moment, before coming to a realization.

"An officer got a hold of the tapes from each of the rooms," he says, and he can hear Spencer's breathing quicken.

"She told me there was one of you..."

Spencer tries to listen to his voice, but it's difficult. She hopes he hasn't seen the footage of her, bathed in blood, calling out his name. She prays he'll _never_ see it.

"She said you kept calling out my name, sometimes for minutes at a time."

He's seen it.

"Did- did Andrew make you believe that you'd hurt me?"

She tries to hold back the tears, but it's too difficult. She tries to suppress the memory, but she can't. It all comes flooding back to her, and she can't deal. All she can manage is a faint nod, and Toby feels a wave of sadness wash over him.

"I'm so sorry, Spencer."

He holds her tight, trying to assure her that he's okay. It helps a little, but she can't stop reliving it. Why would Charles do such a thing? What had she ever done to him? Aside from lighting his childhood memories on fire, but that was after the fact. She's at a loss of words.

"Did he ever threaten to hurt you?"

"No."

He sighs with relief.

"There was never any warning, he just did it."

She feels his muscles tense. How could anyone do this to her?

"Well, he won't be able to hurt you anymore. I'll make sure of that."

 _Except he's still out there._

"Toby," she sighs. "I can't risk you getting hurt. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if _you_ got hurt."

"I've been hurt by A before," she counters.

"I know. And I couldn't bear it."

She's silent.

"Spencer, when you- when you were down there-"

"Toby, please." She can't stand to hear the pain in his voice, knowing that, albeit indirectly, she was the cause.

"I didn't know if I'd ever see you again. I honestly thought you were-"

"Stop. Please."

"I thought you were dead."

"But I'm okay now."

"Are you?" He asks, causing her to flinch. "Spencer, what I just saw? That's not 'okay,' you're not _okay_."

She knows he's right. "I will be."

He sighs. He hopes so. He can't stand to see her like this. "So long as Andrew is locked up." 

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." 

"You know there's more than one person, right?"

"Spencer-"

"You were a part of the A team, even if it was to protect me. You know how it works."

"But I never saw Andrew's face."

She screams internally. _It's not Andrew!_

"But you know there are more people."

"I knew about Mona. And she's out."

"Does A ever really 'let you out?'"

"I got out," he assures her, but she doesn't get how. She assumes he had to make some sort of deal, but she doesn't even want to know. She doesn't know if she could handle it.

"But, still, you agree there's more than one person. So you know that A's still out there, even if Andrew isn't."

He's silent.

"Yes?"

"Of course I do," he answers. "But I can't even think about that right now."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm assuming Andrew's the mastermind behind all of this, although I still don't understand his motives."

 _Because he doesn't have one._

"Don't worry, babe. Whoever's left out there, we'll get 'em. Even if I have to do it myself."

She wants to argue, but she can't. She's too exhausted to. But for whatever reason, she believes him. No matter how impossible the task may seem, it's her only hope. And forcing herself to believe it is the only way she'll feel better. So she clings to it, and can only hope that he fulfills his promise. 

**Thanks for the reviews/faves/follows 3 Let me know what you think! :3**


	3. Chapter 3

**It's literally been a year since I've updated this, and I'm so sorry. I found this in my notes on my phone the other day from last summer and figured I should probably update. Whoops.**

* * *

"You look terrible."

The four girls are all sitting in Spencer's living room. It's the first time they've been together since they escaped the dollhouse. One week ago. Unsurprisingly, Spencer hasn't been able to sleep hardly at all. Even being in Toby's arms, it's been a struggle. She feels guilty for making him stay with her every night, but she needs him. And he needs her.

"Thanks," she mumbles, keeping her gaze down. It's been an awkward and silent visit. Just being in each other's presence is enough to remind each of them of the hell they've escaped. As much as it hurts to be around each other, they know it'll hurt even more if they weren't. Even though it's a painful reminder, they're the only ones who know what's happened, and who've lived through it. It's nice to have someone who understands.

"Have you slept at all?" Aria asks, but they all know the answer. It's not hard to tell, what with the purple bags under her bloodshot eyes and the ghostly pallor of her skin.

"No," she answers, and Aria frowns.

"Have you been taking your medication?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not, okay?" She snaps, and silence falls over the room. The other three girls share a worried look, but decide to let it go, for fear of upsetting her more.

"Every time I close my eyes," Spencer speaks up, "I'm back in that dollhouse. Hell, Even when I'm awake."

Hanna looks sits up a bit in her spot on the couch. "Was your room-"

"Yes," she interjects. She doesn't want her to finish. She doesn't want to be reminded of it.

"Toby's been staying over. I thought it would help but it's not. Every time I see him I see the pain in his eyes, and the worry, and I just can't-I can't take it," she speaks up, her words coming faster and faster.

Aria grabs hold of her hand, trying to calm her down, but it scares Spencer, causing her to jump. It reminds her of the shackles that once bound her wrists, and she can feel herself begin to panic.

"Spence, Breathe," Aria reminds her. "You're safe."

"I'm just tired of being reminded of how much I hurt him," she finally says, catching her breath, and Aria sighs.

"You didn't hurt him. Charles did. He's only hurt because he can't stand to see _you_ hurting."

Spencer's quiet. She knows Aria's probably right. Toby's constantly telling her this, but it doesn't make her feel any less guilty.

"I just wish I could forget everything. Everything reminds me of what happened. I don't know how to control that."

"Talking about it helps," Emily tells her, but Spencer just shakes her head. "I can't. I can't relive it."

The girls know that out of all of them, Spencer's been having the hardest time dealing with this. It leads them to wonder what happened to her down in the dollhouse.

"What exactly did Charles do to you?" Hanna asks her, and Emily and Aria shoot her disapproving looks.

"Did you not hear a word I just said?"

"Spencer-"

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

She's beyond frustrated now, and gets up from her spot on the couch. She walks into the kitchen and lays her head down on the cool marble counter top, trying to steady her breathing.

"Hanna, what the hell?" Aria asks, and Hanna shrugs.

"She needs to talk about it. Things won't change until she does."

"I don't think it's fair to push her when we can barely do it ourselves."

"Yeah, But at least we _can_ do it."

"I can still hear you," Spencer mumbles, her words muffled by the marble.

Aria sighs and pushes herself up off the couch to join her friend. She doesn't know quite what to say, but she places a hand on her shoulder, frowning when Spencer jumps.

"It's gonna be okay."

"But it won't."

"Just give it time."

Spencer lifts her head, looking up at her friend. "How much more time can I give it? I can't go on like this anymore."

"Hey," Aria soothes, but her friend's not having it.

"Do you know what I've had to deal with every day?"

"Actually, yes," Hanna speaks up, growing frustrated. "Spencer, we were all down there. We all suffered."

" _Hanna_ ," Aria hisses, tossing her a glare. While she does agree with her, she knows that something else must have happened in the dollhouse, something that no one else is aware of. Spencer's usually the resilient one. Now, she's anything but.

"Every time I see Toby, I'm reminded of it."

"Of what?" the tiny brunette asks her, but she doesn't answer.

"I see it over and over again. I can hear it. I can hear myself. I can feel the pain all over again. It won't go away. I swear it gets worse every time I see him."

"What-"

"I was at the Brew the other day. Someone spilled their drink. I couldn't bear to look at it, but I couldn't look away. It all seemed so real."

She's growing frantic now, and Aria can see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Talk to me," she soothes, but it doesn't work.

Spencer quickly shakes her head, fear in her eyes. She's talked about it enough. She can feel the flashback coming on, and she's terrified. She grips down onto the counter, her knuckles aching from the pressure. Her breathing becomes rapid, shallow, and she sees the memory flash in front of her. She can't escape it. She sees the blood spatter the bedroom walls, and she can smell the metallic odor of the warm liquid. The image is etched into her brain, and she can't get rid of it. She feels her airways constrict, and tries her best to steady her breathing, yet she can't. She can hear the click of her bedroom door, and the sounds of her screams. Her face is incredibly pale, and her friends are so worried. It's been a while since they've seen her like this, when Toby left, and they feel so helpless.

It's Emily who approaches the two girls in the kitchen, unsure of what to do. She tries to rub her back in an attempt to calm her, but she jumps back when she hears Spencer scream.

"No, please!"

"Spencer, look at me," Emily tells her, her voice filled with worry. But it's no use. She can't get her attention.

"You're okay," Aria assures her, but she doesn't believe it.

"What did I _do_?" she sobs, unable to catch her breath. It's all so real. She can feel the warm blood, Toby's blood, on her clothing and her hands. Her eyes burn with unfallen tears, and she tries her best to curl up, willing this all to stop.

"Spencer," Emily calls out to her, but she's still so far gone.

"What did he ever do to you?"

"Spencer!" Aria yells, gripping onto her shoulders. She knows it's probably not the best idea, but, surprisingly, it does work.

She looks up at her two friends. Her eyes are still wild with panic and tears stain her flushed cheeks. She's exhausted, and she can't hold it in anymore. She leans into Aria and begins to sob.

"I thought he was dead," she cries, and Aria immediately wraps her arms around her.

"Toby?"

"I thought I'd killed him."

The three friends share worried looks.

"Charles made me think I'd killed him," she continues to cry and Aria can feel her heart break.

"But he's okay, Spence."

"I know that now, but at the time-"

"I know," she soothes.

"I'll never be able to forget that."

"Does anyone know about this?"

"Toby," she answers.

"Anyone else?"

Spencer shakes her head.

"Spence, I really think you need to see someone about this."

"I can't," she tells her. "You see what happens when it's brought up, I can't keep going through that."

"They'll be able to help you," Aria counters.

"Sleep will help me. Medication will help me. If I can ever get back on it," she adds.

"Why aren't you taking anything?" Emily asks.

"My mom discontinued it after I left the hospital?"

"What? Why?"

"She thinks I'll abuse it."

"Is she wrong?"

"Probably not," Spencer whispers, looking down at the ground. "But I'm not sure how much it would help anyway. There isn't enough medication in the world that can eradicate this feeling."

Aria sighs, rubbing her small hand up and down Spencer's back.

"I just don't know what else to do."

"Have you been able to talk to Toby about any of this?" she asks her and Spencer nods.

"Barely though."

"Is he sleeping over tonight?"

She shakes her head. "He has to go out of town. Something to do with police training, I don't know. He wasn't very clear about it."

"Are you going to be able to see him before he leaves?"

"He's supposed to come by."

"Well, that's a good thing, right?" Emily asks her, and Spencer shrugs.

"It's just gonna be really hard when he's gone."

"You'll have us," she assures her, and Aria nods.

"We need each other now more than ever. _You_ need us now more than ever."

Spencer can't argue with that. It feels a bit better being around her friends, but it's not the same. She wants Toby. She needs him and as bittersweet as his visit will be, she can't wait to be in his arms.

* * *

"Tell me again why you have to leave?" She asks Toby. She feels selfish- she wants him to stay. However, she has a feeling his departure has to do with Charles, and if it results in better protection of her and her friends, she's a bit more content.

"Police stuff," he tells her. But he can tell it's not enough of an explanation.

"You mean _A_ stuff?"

"If you want to put it that way, sure."

"I'm gonna miss you," she whispers, leaning her head against his chest. He hugs her even tighter and kisses the top of her head.

"I'm gonna miss you, too. But I'll be back soon."

"How soon?"

"Could be a few days."

"That's too long."

Toby sighs. He's not used to Spencer being this dependent of him. Or anyone, really.

"What if something happens to you?"

"I'll be fine, babe. I promise. I'm more worried about you."

"Me? Why me?"

"You can barely sleep while I'm here, what are you gonna do when I'm gone?"

"I don't know. But I'll manage."

This worries him. The last time she tried to "manage" the aftershocks of A's wrath, she relapsed into substance abuse. He wants to believe that this won't happen again, but part of him still wonders how long it'll take after he leaves for her to fall back into old habits. He wonders if she already has.

"Just, please be safe about it. And smart."

"What do you mean?" She asks, but he's not convinced.

"I saw Dean leaving your house the other when I pulled in. You can't tell me you were just 'hanging out.'"

"If something was wrong, wouldn't you be glad I'm doing something to fix it? That I told someone about it?"

" _I_ s something going on?"

"No," she answers, but he's not convinced. He decides to drop it. He doesn't want to fight with her. Not right now.

"Would you tell me if something is?"

"Yes," she lies, and to her surprise, he believes her. He's quiet for a moment before giving her a worried look.

"What's wrong?"

"Aria called me."

"Great," she laughs, and Toby sighs.

"She told me what happened earlier today."

"Yeah?"

"Spence, this is serious."

She shrugs. "I don't know what to do about it"

"I think you do, you just don't want to do it."

His voice falls quiet, and he grabs her hand. "What happened to you in there?"

She's quiet, and then shakes her head. "I don't want to talk about it." They've been through this several times. She doesn't get why he keeps asking.

"Why?"

"Because I can't even _begin_ to explain the hell that I went through."

"Try?"

"I think Rosewood's finest has collected enough information for you to be able to figure out what happened."

Toby sighs. She's not going to budge.

Spencer becomes uncomfortable as memories start flooding back to her. They're on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be discussed, but she holds back. She can't do it.

"What's wrong?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing. Look can we go somewhere else? I really don't want to be in my room right now."

He's confused. "Why not?"

"It's suffocating."

Toby frowns. "Is the space that suffocates you? Or the memories?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your room down there-"

"Toby. Please don't."

"It was just like your room here. Wasn't it?"

She closes her eyes, willing the encroaching memories to stop. When she finally opens them, she gives him a quiet "yes."

"That explains why you can't sleep."

She just nods.

"Is that why you keep the boot in the door at night? You think it's gonna lock, don't you?"

Again, she nods.

"Spencer," he sighs. "What can I do to help?"

"You being here, with me, is enough."

"Is it though?" He asks, referring to the constant nightmares, flashbacks, and meltdowns he's witnessed.

"You talked to Aria. What you see is nothing compared to when you're gone."

"I shouldn't be leaving you," he sighs.

"Toby, that's not what I meant." But she does want him to stay.

"You sure you'll be okay for a few days?"

She nods, albeit it unconvincingly. "I have my friends. And my parents. I'll be okay."

He's not entirely convinced, but he doesn't know what else to do. "I guess they'll call if things get too bad."

"What are you going to do, come home?"

"Yes."

"Look, I know I'm really messed up right now, but I'll be fine. I don't need you to be constantly trying to fix me. I can't be fixed. At least not right now."

"You know that's not true."

"Are you sure?" She asks, growing frustrated. "Nothing is okay right now. Nothing's gotten better."

"Spencer, it's been a week. What do you expect?"

She's silent.

"As much as you'd like, and God do I wish it were possible, you're not going to wake up tomorrow and forget everything. It doesn't work like that."

"Well I can't keep doing this."

"Spence. Please don't talk like that."

"I'm just so exhausted. I want it all to stop."

Toby sighs, feeling his heart break. He feels so helpless.

He gives her a sad smile, before glancing over at her alarm clock. He's late, and he has to leave. She follows his gaze, and her heart sinks.

"I'm sorry," he sighs, taking her in his arms.

She fights off the tears, not wanting him to worry. She's trying to convince him she'll be fine while he's gone, but if she falls apart, it's not going to be as easy.

"I'll be back soon. I promise," he tells her, kissing the top of her head.

"I love you," she says, her voice small.

"I love you, too."

"If something happens, if anything changes at all, please call me."

She shakes her head. "No, I-I'll be fine," she tries to convince him, but her voice is thick, and he can see right through her.

"I'll try to call you tomorrow, alright?"

Spencer slowly nods her head before watching him disappear from her room. It doesn't take long before she can feel everything rush back to her: all of the memories, the sights, and the sounds. She doesn't know what to do, and it overwhelms her entire being.

Defeated, she plops down on her bed, drawing her knees up to her chest. She wraps her arms around her, and braces herself for the flashbacks. She can't escape it. She knows this. She doesn't know what to do, but she knows who she needs.

Toby.


End file.
